


Paw and Bearjudice

by Nanimok



Category: Alex Rider (TV 2020), Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz
Genre: Alternate Universe - Animals, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Gaint Panda, M/M, Pandas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:29:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26495674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nanimok/pseuds/Nanimok
Summary: Prompt: Alex, John, Helen, Ian, Ash, Yassen are goofy giant pandas living in the zoo. Cue pandamonium. Slash or really anything goes.(Kinkmeme de-anon.)
Relationships: Yassen Gregorovich/Alex Rider
Comments: 6
Kudos: 54
Collections: Alex Rider Kinkmeme





	Paw and Bearjudice

Alex has always been different from other pandas. He’s a social creature, always seeking out Jack’s company and performing cute, fluffy roly-polies for her attention. That alone makes him abnormal. Giant pandas live most of their life in a willing state of isolation. They may form small groups while sharing a territory, but even then, their heightened sense of smell helps them avoid other pandas. Alex, though, has always wanted company, ever since he was a cub. Alex doesn’t like being alone, and Jack has always done her best to make sure that he isn’t.

Jack wonders if it’s because of the way he’s raised. Twins are common in the panda population, but a panda mum is only capable of raising one cub. So, she picks the strongest cub and abandons the other. Alex and Julius was born from Helen and John, two of Blunt’s most favourite panda in the enclosure. When Helen chose Julius, Jack was assigned as Alex’s main keeper. Thus, began a lifelong bond between person and panda, fuelled by long nights, long days, and understaffing of appropriate zookeepers. The latter, at least, has since been remedied by management.

She shouldn’t have favourites, probably. She can’t help it, though. After all the literal shit she’s been through, Jack considers Alex hers. Other pandas can’t compare. Jack remembers taking leave for a week and being called back into work because Alex was off his food and spent most of his time up his tree. It took Jack coming back to work for Alex to be finally coaxed into eating properly. From that moment, it felt official. Alex felt officially hers.

It is for this reason that Jack feels strongly enough to approach Blunt for an enclosure transfer. They’re intense and she will need to be on-call to make sure that Alex is coping well, but it’s something she’s willing to devote her time for. The reason for this transfer? One surly, grumpy giant panda named Yassen Gregorovich.

Yassen is a wild panda recently transferred to the enclosure. He was found beaten and starving, with a nasty cut on his nose. The vet who stitched up his wounds almost lost his arm. Both him and Yassen has a scar to show for it. The vet, however, escaped lightly compared to Jack’s ex-colleague, Ash, who showed up drunk, swatted a bad tempered Yassen, and got his leg mauled for it.

Eating bamboo doesn’t change the fact that pandas have the digestive system of a carnivore and some fierce teeth to match. Poor Ash. Jack never liked the guy, though.

Alex has taken one look at the panda and decided to trail him like a second shadow. Jack is—worried. Alex is six years old. He’s only just recently matured. He’s bigger than Yassen, but only a tad. Yassen carries the heavy weight of the wild and age in his panda bearing. No matter how much Yassen growls and bats and swats at Alex, Alex only keeps sniffing out for more.

Alex flopped on top of a napping Yassen once. He nearly got his leg chomped off.

Jack almost had a heart attack.

Yet, Alex keeps coming back. He’s such a naughty panda. Surely, he can sniff Yassen’s place in the hierarchy and respect his space, yet he keeps invading Yassen’s territory, dropping bamboos and enrichment toys in an offering of companionship.

Jack thinks it’s time for an intervention.

“Thanks for meeting with me,” Jack says, when Blunt ushers her into his office. “It’s about Alex.”

Blunt pauses from where he’s typing on the desktop. “Alex?” he says. “It’s everything all right with Alex?”

“No,” she says. “I mean yes. He’s fine for now. I’m just worried about him.”

“Is he sick?”

Jack shakes her head. “No. He’s not sick. He might get hurt in the future, however.”

“Elaborate,” Blunt says.

So, Jack lays her case out, piece by piece.

If there is one redeeming quality about Alan Blunt is that he’s amenable to anything the panda needs as long as the bottom-line stays as fat and plentiful as the pandas. And Alex, with his love of people, enrichment toys, and roly-poly summersaults, is one profitable panda. His plushies are almost always sold out in the gift store.

Funnily enough, Yassen’s plushies are the second-most popular in the store. His ones are always designed with a set of sharp, jagged teeth. Children, in particular, love the chompy-Yassen plushies.

“I see.” Blunt folds his hands in front of his face. “You want to move him to another zoo? Maybe with Ian?”

Ian was a twin born to Alex’s father. He is Alex’s panda uncle, then. Unfortunately, Ian was transferred to another zoo when none of the female pandas were receptive to his hapless mating overtures. His thrusting just couldn’t cut it these days.

“Not another zoo,” Jack says. “Just… another enclosure. I’m scared of Alex getting himself into too much trouble in Yassen’s territory.”

Blunt frowns. “Have they been fighting?”

“Not really.” Jack sighs. “Let’s be real, here. It’s Alex. He keeps bugging Yassen, day in and day out. No matter how much Yassen swat at him, or bats him, or growls at him, Alex won’t just leave him alone! I’m worried that Yassen’s going to be frustrated enough to use his teeth.”

“A valid concern,” Blunt agrees.

Jacks slumps in her seat. “It’s not even fully Alex’s fault either. He’s just a very sociable panda. You remember what happened last time Alex won’t stop bugging Julius, right?”

Alex surely remembers. He has a scar shaped like a starburst on his chest, underneath his pelt of fur. He growls and barks whenever someone remotely smells of Julius. And he acts particularly betrayed if _Jack_ is the one who smells of Julius.

Jack didn’t think pandas could feel particularly betrayed. Though, he wouldn’t put it past Alex—he’s certainly smart enough for it. He rebuffs her interactions through the mesh, and he ignores all her participation orders. Not even his favourite fruitsicle will get her back into his good graces. It usually takes a couple of days of sulking before Alex pads to the mesh door and sticks his fingers out for Jack to play with.

Tulip, her supervisor, is a bit sharper than Blunt on these matters. If anyone asked Jack, she would’ve bet that Tulip also had a soft spot for Alex, because the next thing she knew, Jack was never rostered as Julius’s keeper.

“Alright,” Blunt says. “Do you have a specific enclosure in mind?”

“I’m thinking the K-Unit enclosure. Wolf isn’t as aggressive, but compared to Yassen, he’s absolutely friendly.”

Blunt nods. “I’ll make the arrangements. Alex is very lucky that he has you to look after him.”

Alex is very lucky that he makes enough money to be worth all the trouble, is what Alan means. Jack will take it, however.

Anything for her favourite panda.

* * *

Mating season comes and goes. With it, Jack’s most stressful time of the year.

Pandas are polygynous by nature. A female panda can mate with many competing males, and male pandas often seek out many mates while the female pandas are in heat. Helen and John, however, are notorious for their perceived panda monogamy. They have mated with each other for the past decade, only each other. Blunt has built a marketing strategy around them. There are plushies, keychains, puppets, PJs, mugs, and bookstands modelled with a Helen-half and a John-half. People love the ideas of pandas in love. The London Zoo is thriving because of it.

That is, however, until John parks his round panda-hind under Julia Rothman’s tree a few days after mating with Helen. He butts other competing males out of the way and rears himself up to display dominance.

What’s worse is that Blunt finds Helen in the arms of Nile, second-most dominant giant panda in the hierarchy of their enclosure.

A media pandemonium ensues.

Jack shakes her head. “What a mess.”

“Yes,” Tulip says. “Quite. You would think that people would stop projecting such human values on our panda bears. But what can you do.”

“Any publicity is good publicity, I suppose.”

“Who knows,” Tulip says. “Maybe this year will finally be the year the Alex-plushies finally outsells the Tom-plushies in the gift store.”

Tom is London Zoo’s very own Australian loaned Koala bear. He doesn’t do much. He sleeps, hugs trees, and eats eucalyptus trees, but maybe Jack is a little biased. The crowd grows wild whenever he’s in the vicinity, though. The first line of Tom-beanies—beanies with koala ears stitched on—sold out within a matter of months. Tom’s primary zookeeper, Brennock, was smug for a whole week.

“How’s the little guy?” Tulip asks. “Is he coping well?”

Jack laughs. “Not a little guy anymore. He’s so tall these days.” Then, she abruptly sobers up. “I’m not sure, actually. He’s not sad… but he’s been a little more morose these days.”

He’s spending more time on his rubber hammock when he’s usually poking his nose into the hexagonal enrichment feeder. These days, it seems like his little head only pops up when Jack comes near.

Zookeepers aren’t really allowed to share space with the adult pandas for their safety, but Jack misses the days where Alex would be a warm, heavy weight wrapped around her leg as she tried to do her work, constantly bleating for her attention.

Jacks shakes her head. “That reminds me. You said you needed me for something?”

“Oh, yes. I was wondering if you could do Yassen’s participation orders tomorrow. Wilby called in sick.”

“Sure,” Jack says. “I hope I don’t get eaten. But what’s the worst that can happen?”

* * *

The moment Jack enters the vicinity, Yassen’s nose twitches. The walls rumble with his roar. One minutes he’s far from the door, and the next, he slams himself against the metal mesh again and again. Until the mesh metal rattles.

Jack almost drops her bucket of fruitsicles. Beside her, Crawley jumps to his feet.

Yassen shakes the mesh. He barks, a low rough noise. He flexes his claws through the steel squares—like he’s on the verge of swatting Jack’s head off her shoulders.

Pandas are often inactive for long periods of time. Everything about a panda is built for energy conservation. They communicate by scent. They avoid confrontation. They don’t defend territorial boundaries. They even avoid travelling up steep slopes. Jack has never seen such—aggression. It’s like she’s staring into the embodiment of fury as Yassen’s maw crunches into her neck.

Pale and shaken, Jack is quickly ushered out of the vicinity.

* * *

“There’s no way to say it,” Crawley says. “The moment you were gone, Yassen just went and dozed off like he usually does.”

Jack feels a little—more corporeal now. After the adrenaline and the fear have leeched out of her system, she felt adrift, and her feet found their way to Alex’s pen. Tulip was kind enough to give her the rest of the day off. Still, Jack stays. Alex is asleep in his rubber hammock again, but the sight of him and his barrel shaped body goes a long way to calm her racing heart. That’s is where Crawley finds her.

“He’s back to normal now?” Jack asks.

“He has,” Crawley says. “It’s like a switch has been flipped and he’s back to normal. Ignored all my participation orders, but like I said, that’s the usual.”

Which is the moment Alex chooses to wake up from his nap for a change of scenery. He gets a whiff of Jack and Crawley, and he pads his way through the door. He holds his finger out for Jack and sticks out his nose towards Crawley.

Crawley laughs, visibly endeared. Not surprising since that’s basically everyone’s reaction to Alex.

“He’s particularly friendly today,” Crawley says. “He doesn’t usually go out of his way to sniff me at all.”

And Crawley’s words stick in Jack’s mind like splattered jelly. Things start clicking into place like lost pieces of a puzzle… It could be just Jack projecting her own human feelings onto Alex—like what Tulip was mentioning the other day, but Alex has been pretty lethargic lately. Almost uncharacteristically so.

Jack reaches out so she can touch his finger with her own. “You really miss him, don’t you, boy?”

Alex wiggles his finger in reply.

“Oh, Alex,” Jack says. “I’m sorry. I’ll fix this. I promise, I will.”

* * *

Pandas are solitary creatures. They rarely share their immediate space with other panda bears. There is an exception to this rule, however, and this exception comes in the form of Alex and Yassen.

Yassen’s temper has milden down, a strange expression for an already calm species. Jack was nervous about stepping into his pen after the growling incident, but he barely gives her an ounce of his notice. Strangely, Yassen even startes participating in his participation orders.

The change is quite drastic. Yassen no longer bats at Alex when Alex brings his enrichment toys over. They share space, and sometimes, their bamboo. They waddle through the forest side by side. Alex has always been a relatively noisy panda—all bleat and no bite with that one—but now, Yassen might even bleat at Alex when Jack is watching on the camera.

Yassen has even claimed Alex’s rubber hammock for himself. The loss of Alex’s favourite toy meant that he sulked on top of a tree for a whole day. In the end, Jack and Crawley brought in another one, so that each panda can have a hammock of their own, but the bigger build of the hammock has lead to both pandas flopping on top of each other for their numerous naps. Frankly, it’s quite adorable.

It’s almost as if Alex’s absence has made Yassen’s heart grow fonder. Jack wouldn’t believe it if she wasn’t witnessing it with her own two eyes.

Blunt is absolutely ecstatic.

“Forget John and Helen, and the complicated sex lives of giant panda bears,” Blunt says. “It’s all about the star-crossed pandas, Yassen and Alex. The first ever gay pandas in London! We’re talking about matching mug-sets, slippers, bookstands, collectibles—everything under the sun!”

Personally, Jack can’t really complain when she’s already placed an order for the plushie where Alex and Yassen are stacked on top of each other like a pile of fluffy-bun pancakes.

Yassen and Alex are even more of a hit when the tours start up. People of all shapes and sizes come in Yassen-bear or Alex-bear shirts. Jack even saw a bearded biker carry a chompy-Yassen plushie beside a tutu-Alex plushie for himself. 

The revenue has resulted in some pretty neat pen upgrades for all the pandas and more enrichment toys for Alex.

Overall, Jack has to say that life is good for giant pandas Alex and Yassen.

“Look, mum!” A kid points towards the glass. “Mum, look! They’re playing leap-frog like we do at school!”

Oh, dear.

Jack quickly covers the kid’s eyes and ushers the tour group into the next room.

* * *

Yassen peels his eyes open when he realises that Alex has left their hammock in favour of roly-polying in front of the crowd.

He frowns. “Alex,” he says, which usually means that he’s cold and sleepy and hungry, and he wants to sleep a bit more before the humans give them their food.

Alex has his head on the ground, in the middle of bowling his round body over. “Look at this, Yassen.”

Yes, yes, Alex is very good at rolling. Yassen knows all that. But Alex is also very warm and very good at sleeping. He huffs, and hopefully his huffs conveys that he wants Alex back in their hammock.

Alex finally ambles over, his circular face popping into view. “You’re such a kill joy.”

But Yassen has already closed his eyes, and it doesn’t seem like he particularly cares. When Alex settles beside him, he takes care to groom the fur around Yassen’s scar. Yassen rolls in deeper, and the sounds of noisy humans outside the glass dims in their little enclosure.

Yassen thinks Alex is a particularly handsome panda. He’s not the biggest panda around, John is quite bigger than the both of them, but Yassen can’t help admiring the roundness of his belly and the sturdiness of his paws. He likes to think that Alex thinks the same of him too.

Yassen is used to a lifetime of solitude, both in the wild and in his new pen. Before Alex, Yassen would have said that being alone was better.

“I hope Jack is the one who feeds us,” Alex says. “She always smells really good.”

“All humans smell bad.”

“Stop being mean to her,” Alex says. “She’s my favourite, so you have to be nice.”

Yassen huffs. “I haven’t bitten her, haven’t I?”

Alex seems pleased with his answer and he finally settles down for his nap.

Yassen dislikes humans on principle, but for Alex, he will tolerate her.


End file.
